sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
farters have to be the big spoon...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
