There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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