Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
