i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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