she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
