He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
