That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
