i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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