I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize