Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
