She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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