Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She bit a glass in half.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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