We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
