found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
