He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
