Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
