I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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