You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
