Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
