flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
