Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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