"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
