Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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