i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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