No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
