Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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