Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
