goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
