I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
