Where did you get a picture of my penis
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My ass is underappreciated
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
