I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
