week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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