I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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