i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
