I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize