Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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