Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
