Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think I died a long time ago.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
