i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
