My first STD was from a foam party
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
