Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
pray to the hookup gods
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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