woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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