happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
