i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so that wasnt chicken after all
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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