Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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