I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
