I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
