Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
