you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
