and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
