If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
