She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
there is puke in my bra ... again
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