you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
