dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
