I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
