What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
