Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
