ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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