I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You took a bar mat shot.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
