so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
