oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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