there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
