you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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