i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
