In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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