After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
