HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
