Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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